Friday, January 13, 2006

First and last Canadian political comment

[Paul Martin and Stephen Harper are two dudes both vying for top spot in Canadian politics. Martin so amused me with his recent highly negative public characterizations of Harper, that I just had to imagine what further things he would tell me about Harper if I called him up personally ...]

I called up Paul Martin today and he told me a number of things about Harper that they were going to reveal, but had to pull at the last minute:

Stephen Harper habitually kicks dogs.

If you play any one of Stephen Harper's speeches in reverse, you can just make out the words, "I buried Medicare."

Stephen Harper and Osama bin Laden are drinking buddies.

Stephen Harper casts no shadow. Stephen Harper cannot see his own reflection in a mirror.

Stephen Harper is paying thugs to create a gun problem in Toronto so he'll have a good campaign platform item.

Stephen Harper bites the heads off of bats.

The Rolling Stones song Sympathy for the Devil was originally written about Stephen Harper, but they were forced by the record label lawyers to rewrite it so they wouldn't risk obscenity charges.

Stephen Harper is a direct descendent of Jack the Ripper.

Paul told me more, but it gets much, much worse.

Moronic interrogatives

Something that bugs me a lot is the increasingly common speech impediment that causes speakers to turn simple statements into questions.

"So I was with my friend? And we were like in Starbucks? And the barista had these velvet pants?"

According to some British websites it's known as a ...
Moronic interrogative: coined by British comedian Rory McGrath to describe the use of intonation at the end of a sentence that is not a question.
I hear this daily on one of Toronto's "all-news" radio stations. 680News, unhappily, feels it necessary to interview people on the street regarding subjects about which they are woefully uninformed.

680: I'm here at Union Station and I asked Brittany why she looks so wide awake this morning.

B: Really, I'm not? I'm just on my way to work?


It suggests that a lot of people are tremendously insecure and need constant reassurance that they aren't mistaken about ... well, most everything. "I've just said something, but I could be wrong, so please nod or smile and blink or something -- ok good, you nodded -- where was I? Oh yeah: velvet pants ..."